It Works!

I tried the "It Works! Ultimate Body Wrap" for the first time tonight. I lost 1 inch in 45 minutes. Can you see the difference? I know it's not a lot but, shoot, there's a difference!

My Journey!

So, I have this crazy goal to lose a bunch of weight. I actually have been on this journey for years LOL but this time, it's for real! And I'm almost half way there in 3 months! I have given myself mini goals, but the ultimate goal is 100 lbs by the end of this year. I hope I can do it.

How am I doing this, you ask?

1) Breastfeeding.

2) Eating what I want most of the time, and then eating healthy some of the time. ;) 

3) Working out an hour a day 5-6 days a week. I was actually doing really good with this for about a month, then the schedule kept getting screwed up so I couldn't make it to most of the classes, BUT, I am getting back into it...Tomorrow (only because my boobies hurt from being engorged last night and today) so, tomorrow it is. Woohoo!

I met one of my bigger goals today. I wanted to lose ALL my baby weight. I started out overweight to begin with but I felt like this was a reasonable goal. As of today, I am 1lb less than I was at my first doctors appointment with my first pregnancy. By the time I got pregnant with Braxton, I was up 10 lbs from that. And then continued to gain a total of 36 lbs throughout that pregnacy.

Here are some pictures to prove that I'm doing something right...

39 weeks, Peak of my pregnancy weight...

 The day before I had Braxon, I was already down 2 lbs from my peak. The day I had him I weighed myself that night, before I left the birth center, I lost 11 more lbs.

4 days after having Braxton 1/22/12, down 19 lbs from peak prego weight...

2 Weeks after delivery, I was down 28 lbs from my peak.

3 months later 4/24/12, down 47 lbs from my peak weight...

I love seeing the difference, it gives me motivation.

53 lbs to go people

Braxton's Birth Story

I started having contractions on Jan 7^th, They weren’t very strong, but were getting consistent, they were about 6-7 minutes apart and then stopped after I had timed them for an hour, the next day at church I was having contractions again and this time they were getting stronger so I started timing them again. This time they were about 5 minutes apart. I was sitting in relief society and was getting really uncomfortable, I thought I was going to get lucky and have him a week early. But no, as soon as we got home, they stopped. At my appointment Tuesday I was dilated to a 3 and about 50% effaced. I had contractions throughout the next week, but nothing ever came of them. I was getting really discouraged. My next appointment was on the 17^th, which apparently was my due date (I thought it was the 16^th since that’s what my doctor in AZ had given for the due date…) Anyway, I was dilated to a 4 and a little more effaced. At first the midwife offered to strip my membranes, but couldn't because I had tested positive for group B strep. I was having contractions all day long and the mid wife seemed to think I would be having him pretty soon, like possibly that day. So Bernie and I went to lunch and started timing contractions again. They were about 2-3 min apart, but not real painful, just made me sweat a little and a little bit of cramping. I ended up going home to do some laundry and last minute cleaning, just in case. Nothing really happened I just kept having contractions but they wouldn’t get stronger. I was going CRAZY! About 3 am I woke up, I was still having contractions randomly but they were getting a bit stronger. I was kind of in and out of sleep but at 3:55 I woke up to a really strong contraction, and woke Bernie up with my “in pain noise” and we started timing the contractions at about 4:30 and they were about 2 minutes apart, we decided to shower and throw in one more load to wash everything could be clean just in case… Turns out, I was in full blown labor. I called the midwife at 5:30 and told her what was going on, after talking to her she decided to have me come in. I ate a piece of toast, and grabbed our stuff and left. We got to the birthing center around 6:30 am. The 20 minute drive there was excruciating! I had so much pressure down there; I thought I was going to die. While the midwife was getting the tub and everything else ready I just stood around and had contractions, I used Bernie to lean on a lot. Mid wife checked me and I was dilated to a 7 ½ ish. I tested positive for Group B strep so I had to have an IV of antibiotic 4 hours before baby came so at 7am I was finally able to get in the tub and she put the IV in after the medicine was in she left the IV in my hand but unhooked it. I labored in the tub the entire time; it was really good for pain management. At about 8:30 my contractions were getting really intense and the midwife checked me again, I was about an 8 ½ and she was going to break my water but she looked at the time and realized we had to go another 2 ½ hours to go for the medicine to go through for the GBS so she offered a narcotic through the IV. I thought about it long enough to go through one more contraction and decided to get it. I was so tired. The narcotic was just enough to make me relax in between contractions. I was basically asleep until I’d have another one. I’m not sure how long this lasted but it was less than an hour. She checked me again probably around 9:45 and I was dilated to a 9, I was ready to push but she told me I wasn’t. It was really hard not to though. About 10:30 or a little before she checked me for the last time and I was at a 10 and ready to push, and the baby had moved down. My midwife called her birth assistant, she was about 5 min away. It felt like forever for her to come. I was trying to relax so that I didn’t tear (I was terrified of that.) I pushed for I think 18 minutes… and he was out at 10:48 am on January 18th, 2012. My water never broke, my baby was “born in the caul” and is supposed to be a lucky thing.  “To be born in the caul (or en caul) means a baby was born with an intact amniotic sac (bag of waters) or with some of the amnion (membrane) covering the baby’s head. These babies are often called caulbearers. They are a rare bunch – about one in every 1000 births. However, some suggest that it may be more common, especially in births without medical intervention. Being born en caul is often referred to as having a veil at birth. Some believe that it is a sign of good luck or a good omen. This was probably because in pre-antibiotic days, an intact bag of water helped to prevent infection (it still does). Some legends believe that caulbearers cannot drown.” –Info I found on the Internet…
Anyway, they were going to send us home about 3pm but since Braxton was born 12 minutes too soon for the medicine to go for a full 4 hours, the midwife called their medical director to see what to do since at a hospital they would keep a super close eye on the baby for 48 hours after birth… the medical director suggested that I stay at the birth center til 8pm that night so they could keep a little bit longer watch on him, but the chances of that passing was basically the lowest risk since he was born in the caul and It was ALMOST 4 hours. Turns out, baby was just fine. We got home about 9pm that night and my mom and dad drove from AZ so my mom could help me with the baby for a while.
My birth experience was everything I wanted. I wasn’t 100% against pain killers throughout childbirth, but I REALLY didn’t want an epidural, I wanted as natural as possible. I plan on doing a water birth with all my babies. The midwife was still able to take my blood pressure, and the baby's heartrate every 15 min, and check me all while I was in the water.

Days Like These

            I was holding my sweet baby girl, and my brand new baby boy. Lily looked at me and said “I shouldn’t be here, Mom. I’m supposed to be in heaven.” I asked her, you don’t want to be here with me, and your brother, and your dad? “I do” she said. “But I’m supposed to be in heaven, not here.” And I responded with, “Okay, you can go.” –This was my dream last night. I don’t know why I have dreams like these, I guess to help me cope with the fact that she is not here with me. I know that heavenly father has a plan for us, her, my sweet baby girl who I miss daily. I notice that days like these come when I see other baby’s come into this world and I can’t help but feel just a little bit sorry for myself. I just wish I had her here with me today. I want to hold her in my arms so bad. And kiss her sweet little face.

It has been just a little over 6 months since baby girl entered and left our lives. The only time she was alive was in my womb, but I feel her near me every day. I am now carrying her little brother and I can’t help but feel scared as I am now 24 weeks with him and I was 25 weeks with Lily. It’s hard for me not to fear the fact that this could happen again. I try to be strong and not show this fear, but it is real and I am scared.  3 ½ months until this sweet baby will join our family, officially. He is a part of our family already, even if only in spirit (and kicks of course.)

Anyway, on a happier note. We moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico a few weeks ago for Bernie’s job. We are in a 2 bedroom apt. I love it. I love having our own place to live again. I feel like we spend so much more time together now that I am not working so I see him in the morning and when he gets home around 5:30. There is no one else here for us to pay any attention too, no family, no friends, just us. It’s lonely but, fun.

Our Baby Girl

Pregnant?...When I found out I was pregnant in October, I wasn’t that excited, in fact… I wasn’t really ready to be pregnant at all. I had gone to the doctor a couple weeks before to get on birth control and was just waiting for my period to start so I could take the pill, never came. It took me a couple weeks to be okay with being pregnant, and then, at the first doctor’s appointment at 9 weeks I was able to see my little peanut moving around inside of me and the heartbeat of course, I fell in love immediately. And my excitment grew more and more each day. My due date from my period and ultra sound: June 25, 2011, baby measuring right on. This miracle growing inside of me was a part of me already. I did have this feeling from the moment I knew I was pregnant that I would never get to even have this baby, like I was going to miscarry or the baby would have something terribly wrong… something. And of course, I put that awful thought in the back of my mind like anyone else would do, and didn’t talk about it.

I had a really easy pregnancy the whole time, no morning sickness, just tired. I didn’t have any weird cravings or anything like that, just really tired. The first time I felt baby move was Jan. 30, 2011. I was sitting in Sunday school at church, I told Bernie and he put his hand on my tummy and could feel the kicks too! I was 19 weeks. The kicks were SOOOO strong from day 1. We found out we were having a baby girl on Feb. 4, 2011. She gave us a nice view. Legs spread wide open. SO cute. I was making arrangements at work for when the baby came, there were 3 other girls pregnant at work, Bernie’s sister is pregnant... it was like I was living in BABY Making Land.. LOL. I went in for my 24 week check up on  Friday March 4, doc did another ultra sound to double check she was still a she...she was. Everything was perfect, heartbeat at 138 (140 is average) movements strong... everything. That next Tuesday I felt really strong kicks still... Wednesday I was in the pool for 8 hours (usually don’t feel strong movements while I’m teaching) Thursday morning I felt her move, like she was rolling around... and that was the last of the movements from our sweet little princess. I didn't realize until Saturday that I hadn't felt her much (I was in the pool a lot Thursday Fri. and sat, so it was normal for me to not feel her too much.) We were at my mom’s house and I was telling her that I hadn't felt much movement so I had a good idea to listen to her heartbeat with a stethoscope -Bernie played doctor- we thought we heard or felt something so we went on with our day. Sunday still nothing... I didn't think too much about it until late Sunday night, I started talking about how I wasn't worried, I just needed some peace of mind so I was going to the doctor Monday morning, but no matter what everything was fine, it would all be okay. Late Sunday night when we went to bed, I noticed my back was cramping/aching in a different way than normal prego aches I think I knew something was seriously wrong then but I just didn't think about it anymore and slept for like 10 hours.

The news… When I woke up I Called the doctor’s office Monday morning, and the nurse was so nice, she told me she'd look at me on the ultra sound so I didn't have to pay all that money to go to the hospital for no reason - cause I begged her pretty much, I was still convinced that nothing was wrong and I just needed to hear/see the heartbeat/her. When I went in she tried to find a heartbeat for about 3 min or so. Baby girl wasn't moving at all, no heartbeat... the nurse just said; I'm sorry, I don't see anything and just hugged me while I cried... I went straight to the hospital and called Bernie on the way. He met me there and we still weren't even positive baby had died so we went in, got all checked in. The nurses knew right away that our baby had died and were so nice to us. Our doctor met us at the hospital even though he was “on vacation” (just had the week off) and talked to us about our options, we chose to induce that day and move on. I didn’t realize what I was going to be going through, I had to give birth to my unborn baby who had already passed away, decide if I want to see her or not, name her, make arrangements for burial (or cremation if we chose to do so) and then deal with it all. Thank heavens I had my hubby there by my side the whole time.

Labor… I was told I should get an epidural, and that I didn’t need to feel any pain during this even though I had planned on giving birth without an epidural at full term, I needed to rethink that choice.  I chose not to get the epidural until I had to, if I had to. I had already dilated to 1 cm on my own when the nurse put the inducing medicine inside. I felt contractions immediately. It was really cool until it started to hurt a few minutes later. I asked my brother to come so he and Bernie could give me a blessing, we visited for a little bit and then they left. Bernie’s family came to see how we were doing after, It was a bit overwhelming for me. I didn’t really want visitors. The nurse put the 2^nd pill thingy in about 7pm, the contractions were so much stronger and closer together this time it was awful, I threw up twice before 8pm and I believe I was having an anxiety attack, I was having a hard time breathing. Penny was massaging my hips and Bernie was massaging my upper back. It really helped with the pain so I could actually breath, I was able to relax enough to fall asleep, and as soon as the massaging stopped, I’d wake right back up and be in pain again.  Bernie’s family left after all this, I wanted penny to keep massaging but I needed to be alone with my hubby at this time so we asked everyone to leave. I ended up getting the pain meds through the IV at about 9pm. As soon as I got it I was out, I remember asking the nurse how much longer I had til this was over. She said she didn’t know. I responded with, (slurred words, mind you) Yes you do, your just not going to tell me cause it’s going to be like another 14 hours! You really do know… apparently I said a few other things, I don’t remember. I woke up about every hour moaning so Bernie would call the nurse back in and she would give me another dose. Everytime I woke up i needed to roll over or move or something and I had gotten to the point where I couldn't hardly move, bernie was pretty much rolling me over every hour or whenever I needed him to. I think I was physically and emotionally drained. At 12:30 I felt really, really, really, strong contractions and I had only got the meds 15 min before (I could only get it every hour) I felt like I needed to use the potty so we called the nurse in and she checked me, I was dilated to 3.5 cm. I went to the bathroom and when I came out my contractions were none stop and so super strong. I asked how far I had to dilate before I could have the baby, it was to 7 cm. I had already been in labor for 11 hours, I couldn’t do it anymore so I made the decision to get the epidural. I layed on my side and the epidural lady was taking forever at least that’s what I thought, the pain was unbearable the nurse, epidural lady, and Bernie all had to keep telling me to breath and relax, and stop pushing and well… everything. I told the nurse I was having a bowel movement and peeing, the epidural lady was about half way done when the nurse said, I see the baby… and so I had to lay on my side while baby girl sat in the birth canal half hanging out of me until epidural lady finished the epidural. I rolled to my back and baby finished coming out at 1:16 am. The nurse had to open up the sac to get her out, she wiped her off a little bit and handed her to me. At that moment I had an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort, I felt that Bernie and I would get to raise our Lily Ann Schellenberg after the resurrection. Although there is no doctrine on that I just know that she did what she needed to do, she is such a special spirit all she needed was to come to this earth, gain a body and go. I just know this. Her name fit her perfectly, that was the only name that came to mind when I saw her, and Bernie agreed that would be her name. We were able to have Lily in our room until we left. The epidural kicked in at about 1:25 am.

Aftermath…  I called my mom and told her we had the baby, she was in California on vacation. I really wanted her to be there with me. There’s something about moms that no one can replace. She wasn’t going to be home until Wednesday afternoon. The nurse took Lily, weighed her, measured her and cleaned her up. I ended up falling asleep right away, so did Bernie. Lily weighed 1.5 lbs, 12 inches long. Her feet were HUGE! So cute though, everything about her was perfect, dark hair, long fingers and toes, cute little button nose, her tongue was sticking out a little bit. The nurse took her and dressed her in a pink dress and they took pictures of her. They also made hand/foot prints and gave it all to us. We had to fill out the death certificate and decide where to bury her. Too many decisions for us newlyweds. Bernie was amazing through everything, he was there for me when I needed him during the labor and as soon as he knew I was okay and that I didn’t need him to take care of me anymore he was able to sleep, and he slept like a rock. We left the hospital at about 1pm Tuesday March 15. The hardest thing I’ve had to do was leave our lifeless baby girl, just laying there. I needed her so much. I just wanted to carry her out to the car with me. I wasn’t ready to let her go. Bernie and I went out to eat at my big fat greek restaurant and then didn’t know what to do with ourselves. We went home to our messy house (that I was going to spend the week of spring break deep cleaning and packing since we were moving out when I was going to be 8.5 months pregnant) we layed on our couch and turned on a movie and pretty much spent the night crying together. I missed her so much already. My arms, my whole body just ached for her to be with me. It hurt so much to not have her in my tummy kicking and growing anymore. We slept really good that night and woke up to this nightmare the next morning and had to make burial arrangements for our daughter. We decided to let people help us out now. Bernie’s family cleaned up our kitchen and living room for us, julene (my sister in law) made us dinner that night, and then my visiting teachers and home teachers came over that night. Everyone was really nice and helpful. We felt so much love from our ward, family, and most of all, our heavenly father. Dinners were being set up through Sunday, relief society offered to have lunch for the family after Lily’s burial service. It was all so helpful. Thursday night while sitting on the couch with Bernie making arrangements for everything I noticed my milk had come it. I broke down immediately. It was painful physically but the emotional pain was a million times worse than that. I had milk, and no baby to give it to. I knew it was going to happen but it still hurt. We finalized the burial arrangements on Thursday and had the burial on Friday March 18, 2011. Bernie’s oldest brother, Roland said the opening/family prayer, then we played a song, “he is” by Hilary weeks. It was perfect, and then my dad said the dedicatory prayer. Bernie said a few words after and then the casket was lowered into the ground. We came to our apartment where the relief society had lunch ready for us. It was really good, we sat and visited with our families all night.

Then life started… Friday night Bernie’s brother and girlfriend were moving out of their apartment that night, so we went over and helped a little bit. I couldn’t do a whole lot because even lifting a light box made my back ache, Saturday we spent the morning together and then went to Bernie’s sisters baby shower. I thought it would be hard, but we ended up leaving before the gifts anyway… Sunday-church, Monday-Bernie went back to work, I went to school… and life went on. I felt guilty that I was able to go on with life. I felt like I should be depressed or more sad or something. I am really sad about it all but I know that it’s what our father in heaven has planned for me, Bernie, and lily. I don’t question why, and I know that it all happened for a reason. I know now that the feelings I had throughout my pregnancy and even before were the spirit preparing me in some way for this. The feeling I had when I found out I was pregnant that I wouldn’t have this baby on this earth, the feeling I had Sunday night before it all happened, (I thought I was in labor) and the feeling of “it’s all going to be okay, no matter what.” I also felt, while in labor, that maybe she was never meant to take a breath on this earth but the reason I was so far along when she died is because Bernie and I had to be sealed so that she could be sealed to us. I know that Bernie and I will be blessed for our faith in the Lord, and our relationship has gotten so much stronger, I loved my husband before but I never knew how much more my love could grow for him.  And although we miss our little Lily we are grateful for the opportunity we had to have her in our life, if only for 5 ½ months. 

I know that our Father in Heaven will not give us anything we can not handle and this trial in our lives was given to us so we can learn and grow from it giving us the opportunity to become closer to Him and each other. I'm thankful for the knowledge of the gospel, and for the sacrifice of our savior. This knowledge has been so comforting to me and Bernie and has helped us see the good in all things. We are an eternal family.

New Blog

I decided to jump on the bandwagon and blog... I feel like I should be keeping a record of life anyway and handwriting in a journal is sooo last decade right?

A little about our family...Timeline
Bernie and I started dating in August 2009, it was love at first conversation. He proposed in Nov. 2009 and we were supposed to get married in the Mesa temple on Jan. 23, 2010 but things changed a couple weeks before the wedding so we were married by the bishop in my family ward on that day at my parents house in Mesa instead. We were just doing the newly wed thing when we found out we were pregnant in oct. 2010. I wasn't too excited, but Bernie had enough excitement for the both of us. I just wanted to wait until we were sealed before I got pregnant. I wanted to be sure our baby would be sealed to us in case anything happened to one of us, or the baby, at any time during or after the pregnancy. My excitement for baby increased everytime I went to the doctor. I went through the temple for the first time right after christmas 2010. It was such an amazing experience and I felt so much closer to Bernie already and we weren't even sealed. We were sealed Feb 5, 2011. Found out we were having a girl the day before. My pregnany came to an aburpt stop when Baby Lily Ann Schellenberg died at 25 weeks in the womb, I gave birth on March 15, 2011. We buried her Mach 18, near her grandpa schellenberg at Maripos Gardens. We are both doing pretty good after everything. We have our days... The love for each other has grown tremendously.